The wheels of fate were set into motion soon after we became engaged.
When my then-fiance Calvin shared the news with his mother, he passed the receiver to me and my future mother-in-law’s first words were an enthusiastic request. “Congratulations Lorrie. You two ought to have a baby! Have a girl.”
We didn’t forsee having control over the gender part, but in the following spring, CJ and I were lucky enough to grant her wish. The Jacksons met their sixth grandchild, Nia, a pretty and precocious child who resembled both her father and paternal grandmother.
Soon after birth, a relative gifted her with a bib and onesie set enscribed with the words ‘Diva In Training.’ When she took her first photo, she wore the bib and the title stuck.
Can she be demanding? Sure. Does she seek the spotlight and gush expectations that even a saint couldn’t fulfill? Occasionally. But we all decided from Day 1 that Nia would be raised with age-appropriate boundaries, a position that actress Jada Pinkett Smith recently took issue with as she addressed growing criticism aimed at her preteen daughter, Willow.
In case you’re not up on the controversy, here’s the run-down: months after dropping the hit song “Whip My Hair” in early 2011, a then ten-year-old Willow appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show. She raised brows with how overly-familiar she acted with the media mogul, treating Winfrey like a peer instead of a 57-year-old woman by constantly addressing her with the term “giiiiiiiiiirl.” No. she. Didn’t. 
Soon after, whipping the hair around apparently got boring to the film and recording star, who shaved off the sides to create a mohawk. She later went practically bald, dying the new growth in neon shades of pink and green.
When the blog buzz went from ‘Are Will and Jada pimping those kids?’ to ‘Are they even raising those kids?,’ the 41-year-old actress finally spoke out on her Facebook page. She stated that she and Will support their daughter’s extreme fashion sense “because …her worth is not measured by the length of her hair….little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to…the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.”
Alrighty then. The Smiths have the prerogative to raise their children as they see fit, but, um….Willow is still just that—-a child.
Choices are great, but not without the wisdom and guidance in making the right ones. Would Jada be cool with her preteen skipping in with tattoos and tongue-piercings just because ‘her body is her own’?
Money can come and go, but class is priceless. No matter how old my children get, they will never go uncorrected if they address an adult by their first name, just as I wouldn’t call up Mama and say “What’s good Christine?” or greet my mother-in-law with “Hey Ruby Girl, how are you?”
My insistence on managing their wardrobes, appearances and demeanor isn’t about oppression—-it’s about ensuring a smoother transition into adulthood by preserving their precious childhoods in the first place.
2 Comments
I agree wholeheartedly with boundaries but my concern is less about Willow messing around with her hair (it grows back) and more about the lack of respect for her elders and being in an adult world too early. Way too many child stars end up being unhappy people with difficult lives because they didn’t have the opportunity to be kids or to develop appropriate boundaries. I don’t know if Jada and Will are doing what they should but purposefully raising your children in the spotlight seems dangerous at best. I do wish them well though.
December 2, 2012 at 9:41 amWe see how well so called PERMISSIVE parenting has worked for the majority, guaranteed loser for those in the minority. Death, taxes and trouble know no income bracket and the reaper comes to collect on the rich as well as the poor.
When he comes knocking on your door, better be ready to go and I see nothing redeeming by allowing ones children to be so defiant and have total disregard for the social norms and boundaries that none are exempt from receiving impact, blowback, repercussion or harsh public reaction when folks choose to step too far out of line.
There is a TIME and a PLACE for all things and the first priority in raising a child is to teach them and make them fully aware of not only the endless opportunities which exists, but the the dangers which exists in the world around them. Giving a child the keys to the car and free reign to hit the mean streets they are in no way skilled or capable of handling, will lead to a severe HEAD ON COLLISION.
Money be damned as money didnt keep Elvis or Michael Jackson from making their last stand at THE CROSSROADS now did it?
November 30, 2012 at 9:42 am