I’ve never considered myself that much of a rebel, but in this regard, maybe I am. Nearly 2 decades ago, I broke ranks with the seventy-odd percent of black women who’ve relaxed their hair. After rocking styles such as the fro’, Janet Jackson’s Poetic Justice-like braids, and even Lauryn Hill’s Miseducation-era locks, I now keep my hair in attractive, yet easy-to-maintain two-strand twists or its loosened version, pictured here. I chose the chemical-free route for myself because I enjoy the versatility and the uniqueness of its kinky texture, but I recognize the fact that, while more women are embracing that option, many still prefer the relaxer. Some like the way it looks and feels, others believe that it’s more flattering or socially acceptable. I have nothing against women who subscribe to this aesthetic, since I am all for personal preferences; what I have a problem with are the ‘ladies’ who won’t practice the common courtesy of keeping their unsolicited opinions to themselves.

The conversation usually goes a little something like this:

“Girl, is that your real hair?” “Not that it’s any of your business, but, yes.” “How do you make your hair curly like that?” “I keep it twisted for about two weeks and then take the strands apart without combing to keep the curls intact.” “It’s already long, why don’t you straighten it and make it even longer?” “And that would make a difference how?” I want to ask, but I usually just fix them with a blank stare. “Your hair would be even prettier if……”(questioner offers salon card, recommends certain hair  products, etc.)

Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s experienced this type of scrutiny: a few years ago, I spoke with the newly-shorn Grammy-Award-winning songstress India.Arie about her hit-single-turned style mantra, “I Am Not My Hair.” We dished like sisters while sharing our parallel experiences about cutting off our locks to start anew and getting all kinds of flack about it (Ladies, you know what happens when you wake up one day and decide you want a new look: when it’s time, it’s just time). The change signified a need to keep it simple, to define ourselves on our own terms and project our most authentic selves to the world. In other words, we were just ‘doing us.’ Is it really too much to ask others to show respect?

The irony in all of the criticism is that most of these sidewalk stylists are wearing some sort of weave/extensions, conveniently hiding their own hair from the same scrutiny they’re subjecting mine to. Often their hair is so visibly damaged that even scarecrows flinch, yet they seem to believe that I want their advice on how to style my hair. How audacious is that?

I try to remain cordial when I’m stepped to in that manner, and I’ll even educate the willing about the virtues of natural hair on occasion and big-up my stylist in the process (Ms. Elaine Hill, owner of Elaine’s Nappy Hair), but perhaps it’s time that I start setting the more audacious inquirers—pardon the pun—straight.

If ‘doing you’ entails wearing a relaxer, weave, toupee, do-rag or paper bag, by all means, do you.

But please keep anything but sincere coiffure queries and compliments to yourself. Otherwise, not only are you insulting my preference, you’re putting your own out there to be—ahem—picked apart as well. And splitting hairs in such a divisive manner is never the fashionable thing to do.