For most parents, it’s an automatic and instinctual practice: we gaze into the faces of our babies and fall in love. From the tops of their heads to the bottoms of their feet, we gaze in wonder at the innocence we’ve been entrusted with and hope that they will one day embrace themselves the way that their families do, as perfectly imperfect.

In the case of Layla, Nia and Darius, none of them are exactly babies anymore: two are in grade school and the oldest is looking at graduating in a few short months. But that doesn’t mean we don’t admire the kindness in their smiles, the wonder in their eyes and the unique, yet familiar melanin-rich features that distinguish them as ours as they move into Generation Next.

We’re doing our best as parents to prepare the kids for the world and the people that they will encounter. They have heard, over and over again, that everyone is different and those differences should be respected. But it has become apparent to them that others grew up learning that some of them are made fun of for their uniqueness, even as others are praised for the same look.

The term for the behavior is ‘cultural appropriation,’ the practice of whites treating a trend, movement or style that non-whites adapted or acquired eons ago as new, then attributing it to themselves without crediting the source. A once-viral video described it as ‘Columbusing,’ referencing how Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ inhabited land. Thankfully, social media has made it a lot easier to call out those who ‘Columbus’ at our expense as if their duplicity won’t be noticed.

A recent example of ‘Columbusing’ from MAC Cosmetics’ Instagram page turned into a teaching moment. When the company posted a profile shot of a Black model’s violet-toned lips, responses from white followers were alarmingly profane and racist: “them fish lips tho,” “Oh [expletive] I thought this was jay z” and “unfollows” are only a sampling of the venomous insults.

But when Kylie Jenner enlarged her own lips last year (she tried attributing the changes to a lipliner technique but later admitted to using fillers), fans gushed over the ‘plumpness.’ Some even tried emulating her look by suctioning a shot glass to their mouths— the ignorant and embarrassing #KylieJennerLipChallenge. More than a bit hypocritical, no?

This contrast is what I showed to my daughters this week when our youngest, Layla, told me that “[Name withheld] said I have big lips.”
My daughter’s tone was surprised rather than shamed, but I wanted to stop any insecurities before they could start. “Layla, are you serious?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Girl look,” I said, scrolling to the MAC post on my phone. “Her lips [model Aamito Stacie Lagum’s] are big and pretty, right? Your lips are just like mine and just as pretty as your sister’s.”

She and Nia smiled as they glanced at Mommy’s lips, Langum’s and the images of Kylie Jenner’s before and after results.

“Do you know how much money some women end up paying to get what we already have? Just tell so-and-so that God made you beautiful and keep it moving.”

Our daughters were their usual confident selves after school that afternoon, but I know that other battles loom ahead. We may not be able to control thoughtless playground taunts or ‘Columbusing’ spins, but we can reaffirm our children and the special qualities that set them apart so that maybe, one day, another child can see their shine and find their own glow within.