Dear Diva,

Wow—-can you believe it? Next Saturday, you are turning thirteen years old. We have already been exposed to the teens thanks to your brother Darius, but as I’m fond of saying, ‘things in the game done changed’ since then: he didn’t use cell phones as a kid, turn in school assignments on electronic blackboards or worry about sexting and social media apps. We can’t always anticipate what’s next, but what you can rely on is our love for you and the gratitude we feel that you call us “Mom” and “Dad.”

I’m trying to keep the following as succinct as possible: you’re a busy young lady with homework, with deadlines and activities galore. So here are some gems of wisdom that we want you to have as you celebrate, tips for this exciting, yet anxiety-inducing, time in life:

1) Know your worth: As the oldest of our two daughters and the middle child in the family, you are here for a reason. Your intellect, empathy for others and drive to get the job done will take you as far as you want to go. You embody the hopes, dreams and strengths of ancestors who struggled hard, strove for better and often lost their lives for simply being Black—remember them, and us, as you grow.

2) Guard what matters: Your life and your reputation are too precious to play with: make good choices with both and if you need extra guidance to determine what works, don’t be afraid to ask.

3)Have gratitude: your mind is a whirlwind, hormones are running amok and there are challenges that will work your last nerve. But life can turn on a dime, so give thanks for what you do have and even on your worst days, you can be grateful for what you don’t.

4) Be Your Own Beautiful: social media and Snapchat filters, not to mention plastic surgery, can make anyone seem fly and glamorous, but what makes you unique is part of your appeal: work with what you were blessed with and if others don’t appreciate what you bring to the party, roll with those who will.

5) Books before boys: I guess I have to explain this one, right? We understand that you’re interested in the opposite sex and that there are boys who are interested in you, but developing true friendships with guys can be just as rewarding as dating. And when you do date, make sure he’s treating you with kindness, courtesy and respect. No matter how ‘hot’ or popular he is, if he can’t handle those bare minimum requirements, then he doesn’t deserve your time.

6) Remember who’s watching: when we came home with your baby sister Layla, you were especially thrilled: your gained a younger playmate and she gained an older brother and in-house peer to emulate and learn from. It’s not realistic for us to expect you all not to argue once in awhile, but we do expect you to give one another love and respect. Your relationship will ebb and flow, but your ties in life won’t change. Be diplomatic with Big Bro and a good example with Lil’ Sis: it strengthens your bonds and everyone will benefit.

7) Honor the elders: you, Darius and Layla share something priceless that I missed out on when I moved to TX as a child: available relatives. You are surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles and an abundance of cousins to mentor, learn from and connect with. Trust us, the elders you get to grow up with are more mellow and patient, enjoy the privilege!

Will we continue to clash over the years? Of course. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t marveling at who you are now and eager to see who you will become. The nickname “Diva” suits you perfectly, since we always look forward to experiencing where your gifts will take us next.

Love, Mom and Dad