“You are a ghost driving a meat-covered skeleton made from stardust riding a rock floating through space. Fear nothing.” —–Nev Schulman

Let’s keep it real, shall we?

As of today, knock on wood, I am a half a century old and some change. Although I don’t consider myself ancient per se, I have developed some hard-earned wisdom that requires self-preservation and boundaries to maintain my pockets, my power and my peace.

Everyone’s life paths are different and we’re all in a state of flux no matter where we are in the journey. However, some aspects should be non-negotiable and these are mine:

1. EVERYDAY LUXURIES: The last three years have taught us all that life is fragile and finite, we need to find enjoyment and pamper ourselves whenever we can. For some, ‘luxuries’ mean red-bottoms, vintage wines and restoring antique cars, for others it means monthly trips to the spa. As for me, it’s the occasional pedi and live music: the feet have to be sandal-ready and I want to enjoy my favorite performers in person whenever possible. Whatever puts a smile on your face and pep in your step, find a way to make it happen.

2. R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Again, time is a factor here. Tomorrow isn’t promised, no matter who we are, and I can’t be around people who’ve made it clear that they don’t appreciate what I bring to the mix. I don’t do frenemies and fakeness and the minute I sense an issue, I will speak up to see if there’s a possible resolution. If not, keep it moving.

3. AGENT OF CHAOS? NO THANKS: Everyone has their quirks, blind spots and weaknesses, but we all know someone in our friend or family circle who attracts energy vampires, martyrs, professional victims or even embody traits from all of the above. I am not a therapist and if someone consistently creates high-stake dramas that they drag around like Linus’ blanket, I try steering clear.

4. INDIVIDUAL STYLE HAS NO AGE LIMIT: I recently stumbled across an article, “The Art of Aging Gracefully,” on my social media feed that offered contradictory advice to women over 40—-“try new things” and “avoid new trends.” Um, at the same time? Life is trial and error, so is fashion: I won’t get ‘trendy’ four inch coffin-shaped nails or oversized eyelashes, but I will forever rock my hoop earrings, funky glasses, platform shoes and meme-worthy tees. What works for me may not work for others, but isn’t uniqueness the point?

5. BLACKNESS IS RELATIVE: I won’t edit and squeeze myself into what others think “Blackness” is and isn’t. When Calvin and I first started dating, he was shocked at my affinity for The Rolling Stones, Chicago and Elton John. I love Viola Davis and Denzel Washington, but I also enjoy Bette Midler and Billy Crystal. On the flip side, I don’t indulge in ‘respectability politics’ or apologize for my skin tone, full lips and penchant for dipping in and out of AAVE. We are as individualized as our melanin placement and I will never be one’s ‘typical’ personification of Black. We are decades into the 21st century and those standards are long past their expiration date.

6. PROTEST WHAT MATTERS: I have friends on both sides of the “Barbie” flick, and I am so weary of people dropping 3000 word manifestos about how awful its alleged standards and ideals are, yet making no apologies about seeing the 25th installation of the “Fast and Furious” franchise or other equally vapid flicks. I thought the point of films were to introduce a new perspective or offer an escape, can’t we can be social justice warriors another day? Relax.

Again, I didn’t get to this stage of the game without learning what should matter and who needs to be a priority, and neither did you. Write your list, revise as needed, then live it up accordingly.