In less than a month’s time, we’ll be experiencing a family first: a freshman and senior attending high school. Their classes have already been chosen, back to school shopping is underway and both of our girls are looking forward to the lessons they’ll learn and the friends they’ll make. However, thanks to a pair of viral incidents involving Hollywood actors KeKe Palmer and Jonah Hill, we’ve had to improvise crash courses in boundaries, insecurities and conflict resolution in Relationships 101.

If you’re unaware of how Palmer and Hill started trending recently, here’s a quick rundown: KeKe, 29, gave birth to a son last February and is co-parenting with trainer Darius Daulton Jackson. As of press time, Palmer and Jackson are rumored to be separated thanks to Darius public disapproval of her ‘girls night’ outfit via Twitter when she was photographed getting serenaded by Usher Raymond during a recent show in Vegas. He could’ve waited until she returned home from the concert to make his opinions known, or fired off a quick text. Instead, he thought it was a good idea (!) to share a picture of Keke and Usher with a chastising caption: “It’s the outfit tho…(sic), you a mom.”

Fans immediately checked Daulton for attempting to control KeKe’s fashion choices (it’s summertime in VEGAS, was she supposed to wear a turtleneck and sweats?). Instead of backing down, Darius reaped the whirlwind: “We live in a generation where a man of the family doesn’t want the wife & mother of his kids to showcase booty cheeks to please others & he gets told how much of a hater he is. This is my…..representation. I have standards & morals to what I believe.” After dissenters pointed out that 1) he wasn’t the ‘man of the family’ since he isn’t the breadwinner and 2), there was no ‘standards and morals’ to claim since he impregnated her without marrying first, he removed KeKe’s images and shut down his social media.

As far as Calvin and I were concerned, it probably wasn’t her clothing Darius had an issue with, it was likely the richer and more successful man KeKe was in proximity to while wearing it. Either way, boyfriends don’t get husband privileges, and even if they were wed, staying that way takes mature and mutual communication, not broadcasted via social media in a way that potentially humiliates your partner.

As for Jonah Hill, the 39 year old is engaged and the father of a newborn, but he also attempted to play “clothing police” with his ex, surf instructor Sarah Brady. According to People.com, Brady publicized texts exchanged between herself and Hill where he asked her to remove photos of herself in swim gear from her social media that depicted her “[expletive] in a thong” as a condition of continuing their relationship. Despite her doing so, Hill insisted that the profession she had when she met him (!) was no longer acceptable, stating that if Brady wants to surf “with men,” “to model,” “to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit”, etc., then he was “not the right partner” for her. Imagine Hill asking fans to not comment on his image because “it…..doesn’t feel good,” yet chastising someone else’s. Brady stated that sharing the texts was part of her healing from the “abusive” dynamic and as “a warning to all girls. If your partner is talking to you like this, make an exit plan. The fact that he calls himself a feminist now is laughable.”

Calvin and I aren’t experts, but we do know that healthy relationships recognize individuality and choice: trying to mute the qualities in your partner that first attracted you isn’t care…..it’s control. Set boundaries for your own life, not others.

Layla and Nia are still learning, as are Mom and Dad and KeKe and Jonah. Experience is indeed a powerful teacher, especially when it specifically shows you what not to do.