Whenever a discussion about out-of-order kids comes up and my father is present, he’s usually quick to remind everyone of the first and last time I earned a public spanking.

The misbehavior happened decades ago, but the man recounts the details as if it all transpired last week.

“We were at the grocery store, you were probably 2 years old. At the check-out stand, you wanted some candy and I said ‘no.’ That’s when you … fell … out. Kicking, screaming and everything. I was so mad and embarrassed that I picked you up and swatted that butt until you got some sense. It must’ve worked because you never tried that mess again. I wasn’t having it.”

From that day forward, boundaries formed, rules were established, and I rarely earned The Wrath of Sam. While other siblings were slower to obey and earned repeated 1-on-1 belt sessions over the years, it usually took a stony-faced glare (“The Look”) or the threat of extended kitchen detail to keep me in line.

He’s not a perfect father and never claimed to be, but his calm and methodical approach to “home training” provided a healthy example of parenthood and modeled what to expect from men in future relationships.

So the recent story of Atlanta-based megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar, a husband and father of five who was arrested last week for an alleged assault against his teenage daughter, is as unfamiliar to me as it is unsettling.

The story is still developing, but according to the police report, Dollar and his 15-year-old daughter were arguing about her having to miss a weekend party because of her poor grades. After she left in tears, her father followed her into another room and asked why she was so upset. When she replied “I don’t want to talk right now,” he allegedly charged at her, held her briefly around the throat and hit her with a shoe. Her mother, Taffi, didn’t witness the altercation, but her older sister told the deputy that her sister had been grabbed, slapped and thrown to the ground.

Most public figures would’ve laid low and released a statement about the sensitive incident warranting privacy until the investigation closed, but not the fiery and flamboyant Creflo Dollar.

Instead, the 50-year-old church leader stood before his congregation of thousands the following Sunday, joking about the experience and declaring that the charges had “upped” his résumé (“Paul … Jesus … and Creflo.”)

Worst of all, Dollar designated his own daughters as co-conspirators with Satan in “discrediting” his ministry: “I should have never been arrested. Never! … The devil knows in order to discredit the message, you have to first of all discredit the messenger.”

The response by his followers, as well as many commenting online, has been pro-Dollar, casting the girl as the villain.

What has this crisis taught his daughters? That Mommy will silently condone Daddy’s domineering tactics? Will they ignore nice guys and gravitate to quick-tempered control freaks?

I don’t know what’s fact or fiction yet, but I do know that there’s a difference between discipline and abuse. So when Father’s Day comes this weekend, I’ll be celebrating the man who taught me, from the very beginning, how to distinguish between the two.

Click this link to read the final outcome of the case and for author/blogger Deborrah Cooper’s fiery response to the incident, read her open letter to Mrs. Taffi Dollar here.