A couple of Fridays ago, Layla and I sat in an awards assembly at Nia’s elementary school, cheering her on as she won recognition for Most Improved and Academic Excellence. Our Resident Diva basked in the spotlight while chatting with her friends, waving excitedly at her baby sis and all too eager to pose with her teacher and accept our congratulatory kisses before she headed back to class.
So I was surprised when Nia told me, barely a week later, that she didn’t want to go back to class.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked as she strapped into her booster seat. “What’s going on?”
“Well, ‘Eric’ [not his real name] was bothering me and two other girls on the playground. He was doing dancing nasty moves in front of us and calling us ‘the s-word’ [stupid].”
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first I’d heard of Eric, a boy who joined Ms. Ashley’s class late last year. At first, his daily contact and attention on my daughter seemed like playful teasing and the sign of a mischievous nature—in fact, he had recently invited the entire class to his birthday party, which led us to believe that Eric was finally getting on the good foot.
But when the less-than-flattering words started to creep into his vocabulary, I’d instructed Nia that some kids just craved attention at all costs, good or bad, and the next time Eric said or did something unkind to her, she needed to speak up for herself, keep her distance and tell the teacher immediately so that she could correct the situation. “You told Ms. Ashley, right?”
“We all did, that’s why Eric got mad and started calling us ‘the n-word.’”
“Excuse me?” I pulled into the parking lot, looked directly at her and spat out the ugly racist epithet that I detested using in any context.
“Yes. That’s why I don’t want to go back to Ms. Ashley’s class anymore.”
“Oh. HELL. No.” It was one thing for Eric to simply not get along with Nia—after all, realizing that some people will dislike her is a fact of life that my daughter well understands. However, it’s another thing altogether for this problem child to inflict his own insecurities onto her by disparaging her ethnicity, especially when his own biracial heritage includes being Black. “I’m calling the school right now.”
After I reached Ms. Ashley and repeated what we discussed, she told me that Nia was a joy to teach, a hard worker, a help to her fellow students and that the last thing she wanted was for one of her favorite first graders to feel uncomfortable in her classroom. She was already using various methods to discipline Eric, but would now call his mother about the escalating misbehavior and assured me that Nia would continue getting her and the school’s support. “Does that make you feel better about going back to class Baby?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Good. I’m glad you told me quickly so we could handle things. Your father and I don’t send you to school to be harassed everyday and it won’t be tolerated, do you understand?”
“I understand.”
Has Angry Eric been a total angel since then? Probably not. Bullies aren’t created overnight and the adults in his circle need to examine the issues making him misbehave in class and help correct them before they grow worse. But in the meantime, Nia’s back to focusing on her grades, her friends and continuing to learn the value of safeguarding her precious self-respect.*
*Click here to learn more about the causes of bullying, recognizing the signs and various defense tactics
