“How you doin’?”

It’s a question that Wendy Williams purrs to the audience at every opportunity throughout her of her self-titled daytime talk show, but one that she was reluctant to answer when focused on herself…..until now.

A former East Coast disc-jockey who gained notoriety thru her charisma, gossiping and spicy interviews, the award-winning radio host, author and entrepreneur parlayed her brand into the syndicated self-titled show in 2008. Among its most popular segments are “Ask Wendy,” allowing audience members to ask for her personal advice, and “Hot Topics,” where the latest news and pop culture, celebrities’ lives included, are dished with varying dashes of seriousness, shade and snark.

Unfortunately for Williams, the hosting chair became a difficult spot to occupy when her own marriage, rumored to be plagued with abuse and infidelity via her second husband, Kevin Hunter, became the one “hot topic” that she refused to touch. Despite admitting to one affair Hunter indulged back in 2013, the never-shy Wendy declined discussing the near-open knowledge of Hunter’s infidelity. “Anybody who’s been married for five minutes or 500 years, you know marriages have ebbs and flows. Marriages are not easy,” Williams demurred last month to her audience as she held up the oversized bling on her left hand. “Don’t ask me about mine until you see this gone.”

Soon after, however, the marriage unraveled, and Williams with it: even those who weren’t fans of Wendy were sympathetic to the humiliation she experienced when Hunter’s alleged mistress gave birth to his daughter on March 20. Williams tearfully confessed to her audience that she moved into a sober house to confront resurrected addiction issues and was even briefly hospitalized. Fans wondered about her state of mind and her brand teetered in the balance: how could the reigning queen of gossip who dug into other’s marriages remain so quiet about the demise of her own?

Apparently, the ‘side baby’ the last straw: Williams, recently (finally!) served Hunter with divorce papers earlier this month. Hunter is now allegedly negotiating his severance package as executive producer and manager after a last-ditch effort to gift of a diamond-encrusted watch—guilty conscience much?—and too-late apology to his estranged wife: “I am not proud of my recent actions and…..I am going through a time of self-reflection and am trying to right some wrongs.” *Insert eye-roll here*

Few of us, luckily, will ever endure such intense and unyielding spotlight in our unions, but like Williams once said, every marriage has its own unique layers and challenges. But the way I see it, there are universal lessons remaining in the remnants of theirs:

1)Love isn’t enough: Rom-coms and Hallmark try to convince otherwise, but a relationship where you’re in love all by yourself is usually doomed to fail.

2) Never tolerate habitual disrespect: Once can be an accident, twice could be a coincidence: anytime after that is deliberately done and will only get worse if unchecked.

3) You can do bad by yourself: It was sobering to see an accomplished entrepreneur and multi-millionaire on the verge of collapse under the weight of the stress and strain of her so-called ‘husband’s’ selfish acts. No man or woman is worth the trauma and what hurts you also hurts those who love you, especially the kids.

4) Reach out, go in: Minus the drugs, I’ve been in the desperate place where Wendy was when I knew my first marriage was over, none of us are immune to the pain breakups cause and shouldn’t be seen as weak while in need of support.

5) Keep it moving: A new home and new mindset does wonders, just as Wendy is now doing with their 18-year old son. It’s hard at first, but a necessary change.

Again, every marriage is different and I don’t know them personally, but the more time passes, the smaller the void becomes. Wendy’s answer to the famous question, one day, will likely become, “just foiiiine, how are you?”