Have you ever been in a relationship, and you woke up one day asking yourself “What the hell just happened?” after a bad breakup? Then a rain of questions start coming down like “Why can’t I find the right man to love me like I loved him? What’s wrong with me?” “Why it was easy for him to leave me, yet found the energy and time to move on with someone else?” So now, as I sit here listening to the radio, I ask myself, “How did I get left out on this limb for love?”

Several years ago I thought I had met my soul mate (even though I wasn’t looking). This wonderful man (I’ll call him “Amir”) reached out to me. We started out as friends—we talked every night on the phone, fall to sleep with the phones next to our ears, and then we fell in love. We lived in different states, so Amir would fly out to see me and I him.

After a while, since Amir’s job caused him to travel a lot, the long distance also made it a strain on us and six months after we met, Amir asked if I would move in with him. I was a bit hesitant about doing so because my family, friends, job, house, everything I ever knew was here. I had just started college and the thought of leaving everything I worked hard for was unbearable. Yet I took that leap and stepped out on that limb for love.

Now listen: I’m not the kind of woman that wouldn’t set some type of rules, and being from the South moving to the Midwest was on a whole different level. I told him in order for me to move I would have to enroll in college so I could finish up my degree, be able to visit my family at least every two months, and I didn’t want to shack up, at some point marriage would have to take place. Amir agreed to all my terms, so I did the thing and moved.

As time went on, I often asked myself why was I in a state where I didn’t know anyone, the weather was brutal, and the man I loved was rarely at home, but my mind would drift back to that day we first met, the long talks we would have, his sweet kisses and his gentle touch. Yes, I loved Amir with all my heart, he was my heat when I was cold, but that was all he was. Why do we as women ignore those big RED FLAGS? This man didn’t think enough of me to make my birthdays special—no flowers, cake, balloons, no special get away and no presents. To make things worse Amir wouldn’t even celebrate Valentine Day, Mother’s Day nor Christmas with me. When I would try to do special things for him, he would always come up with a reason to why he wouldn’t be available during those times.

Cooking and cleaning for Amir didn’t impress him: trying to do those extra things that would make him feel like a man, didn’t arouse him in any shape or form. He thought it was strange that I ate in the bedroom, or drank my bottles of water in the bedroom; He didn’t understand that I was lonely and that the bedroom, once a comfort zone, had now become my prison.

One July morning, out of the blue, the man I loved and made sacrifices to be with for over five years suddenly decided he no longer wanted to be with me. Amir said he needed to get himself together and that in our time together, he wasn’t able to write or work—he even blamed me for his weight gain! In his mind, we argued too much, I was holding him back, and I had to go.

In shock, I began to cry because I couldn’t understand what he was saying: the last I checked, I gave him money towards the bills and he was rarely at home. I was so crushed that I felt like pulling my own heart out and asking it why did it lead me to step out on this limb of love and end up hanging on a branch that would soon wither away. How was I supposed to survive?

On August 3rd, Amir helped me pack my clothes in plastic bags, stripping me of all the dignity I had left. He dropped me off at a relative’s house, gave me a hug and drove off into the sun. I was now without a car, or a place to stay. Amir didn’t respond to my texts and phone calls, and when he finally responded, he said he had been seeing someone and he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want me jumping on the first d*** that I saw out of spite. What? I told Amir, “No, you were selfish and trying to hold on to me in case things didn’t work out with her.”

It was a hard lesson: I learned to never doubt my worth that if a man truly loves you he will build all types of bridges to get to you and if he saw a crack in the bridge, he would fix it so that neither of us would fall. If you are unhappy in your relationship, don’t take the person you are with out on limb to leave them out there to blow away. Instead of hurting them, be honest—at least leave them with their dignity and put yourself in their shoes. Before walking away, ask yourself: how would you feel being left out on a limb for love?

Summerrain