“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James A. Baldwin

Let’s make it plain and keep it real, shall we? Being a parent is hard work. No matter what gender we are, few endeavors in life are as emotional, intricate and arduous as the jobs we execute as “Mom” and “Dad.”

That being said, although science and common sense dictate that it takes two to create a child, the most of the responsibility for how well the child does—or doesn’t—usually lands on Mom. If a boy pushes past without so much as an ‘excuse me,’ the consensus is that ‘mama didn’t teach that fool any manners.’ When a girl is a little too sassy, what’s the next thought? ‘Do you use alla’ that mouth on your mama Miss Thing?’ The pressure never relents.

So on Sunday, as most of us celebrate and commemorate Dad for Father’s Day Weekend, maybe it’s time for some balance. Perhaps there should be more emphasis on what makes a man worthy of the title, tips for newbies and others who, well, fumbled for awhile and are looking to take another shot. It’s obvious, of course, that I am not a father, but hey.—-my decades of experience as both a parent and a “Daddy’s Girl” aren’t to be slept on.

1. ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE: It sounds so simple as a concept—-know who you’re raising, be grateful for the opportunity and show them that no amount of disappointment or fury can diminish your affection or bond. But there are still too many adult men and women broken inside at the memory of a man who shunned them for the audacity of falling short of what was expected by Dear Ol’ Dad. None of us are perfect, so try resetting your standards. After all, the guy raising them is just as human as they are.

2. DROP THE DOUBLE STANDARDS: Girls and boys are different, but your treatment of them should be as equal as possible: expect your son to do the laundry as quickly as you would expect your daughter to, and if your little girl chooses basketball over ballet, encourage her preferences. Don’t high-five your son’s condoms while berating your daughter’s birth control. Apply your wisdom as needed and guide them according to scenario rather than gender.

3. MODEL WHAT YOU WANT TO CONTINUE: If you want your son to become a hard-working, industrious and reliable man, demonstrate those qualities yourself. If you want your daughter’s future husband to treat her like she hung the moon, do that for your wife. Some guys believe that the key to being a good father is paying the bills, but if you live in a manner that stresses and diminishes Mom, the contradictory messages will show up decades from now—-in the form of your adult children struggling in relationships and perhaps, worst case scenario, the grandchildren you adore but can never spend time with because your daughter or son become mediocre parents. They can’t be what they can’t see, so be mindful of what they’re looking what.

4. THAW OUT THE ‘ICE MAN’: One of my favorite characters from The Incredibles is Frozone, voiced by Samuel L. Jackson: he’s cooler than cool, turning hot into cold and objects into ice. I look forward to seeing him again on the big screen soon, but the prospect of being raised by a man so aloof and distant that his nickname is ‘Frosty’ is far from ideal. We want Dad to be strong, of course, just show your silly side every once in awhile. If your son is anxious about an assignment, share a moment of fright you once dealt with back in the day. If your daughter feels awkward, point out a positive trait that you enjoy and are proud of. Don’t be the guy who only grunts during the week and is too busy to engage with on weekends. Trust to confide in you comes from extending your inner self, not from a man who treats having feelings like a virus to destroy.

If you’re doing most or all of the above, consider yourself a good dad and mentor others who need the guidance. Happy Father’s Day to everybody, especially to my dad Sam, my father-in-law Charles and Calvin J., stepfather to Bro No. 1 and the father of our two precious girls. Love you all!