Halloween was just upon us, and despite the pandemic, some found a way to stalk the streets, donning safety masks and costumes, in search of fiendish peers and free candy. But for others, images of Annabelle, Chucky and Pennywise are nothing compared to the specter of increasing COVID-19 cases, truncated holiday celebrations and tense relationships at home.

According to a recent report in Psychology Today, divorce agreements rose 34% this summer from the same period in 2019. The fracturing of a family is an unfortunate turn of events at any given time, but in the midst of a worsening global pandemic, further job loss and being forced to manage self-care — not to mention the day-to-day minutiae of running households, classrooms and businesses, under the weight of a fraught election cycle — it’s not a surprising effect. As the saying goes, “Familiarity breeds contempt.”

Over the last few months, I’ve done repeated check-ins with our kids as to how they’re personally adapting to the new normal, from the young adult to the preteen, and luckily, they have been adjusting well. Yes, they miss their friends, having and attending birthday parties, or watching the latest films at the AMC theater, but all three of them realize that safety comes first.

The challenge of adaptation hits different when you call up a girlfriend to check in and hear, “Sis, you know so-and-so aren’t together anymore.” Being married generally means forsaking all others, becoming one and pledging loyalty in sickness and in health, but everyone has varying degrees of tolerance when the usual away-from-home escapes have potential to become high-risk superspreaders. Sure you love her, yes you adore him — but that doesn’t keep the walls from closing in and-or, occasionally, feeling like it’s all just too much.

For Calvin and me, juggling work and home requires the utmost care. Our 15th anniversary is coming in December, knock on wood, and we believe that our union is a sound one. But that doesn’t mean there haven’t been any challenges.

For example: I miss date nights, live shows, in-person and girls-only ki-ki-ing sessions. With the commute being gone until 2021, my escapes include diving into books while the sounds of Journey, Aretha Franklin and A Tribe Called Quest fill the room. CJ decompresses by mowing the lawn, touching up paint and occasionally, marathon cleaning sessions that infringe on, well … my music and reading time. Learning to divide quality time among the kids and each other, while maintaining one’s sanity, is a lot.

I love Calvin, madly, and I’m grateful that he loves my quirky, “blerdy” self in return. We’re grateful for our health and family, but devoting time to those moving targets is a precarious balancing act — one that’s achieved with aplomb on some days, yet seems impossible the next.

I wish there were a way I could formulate a one-size-fits-all method for keeping couples and families intact, as well as a firm date that we’ll all escape this pandemic madness, but there isn’t any. What does come to mind are a few words from Usher (OK, from a song lyric): “It’s the simple things in life we forget; you hear her talking but don’t hear what she says.”

Doesn’t hurt to have a catchy melody remind us that everyone’s co-existing in trying times, so extra efforts can go a long way. Catch your children being good; thank them for being so resilient. Allow a few indulgences sometimes. When it comes to your significant other, gratitude, patience and agreeing to disagree can always help. And when the one you love asks for that new bestseller or favorite Panera combo on your way home, remember Nike’s slogan, and just do it. Because as 2020 has often proven, there may come a time when, without warning, you’ll wish that you could.