Dear Daughter Nia,

Last Monday wasn’t the sunniest of days: thunder roared, lightning flashed and storms swirled over and around us. But what still made it special for all of us was that on April 11, ten years ago to the day, you became a part of our lives. With outstretched arms and a steady cry, you turned Calvin into a father, Darius into a brother and you initiated all of us into the wild and wonderful world of 21st Century life with a little girl.

From Minute One, you were a force of nature, wrapping male admirers like Daddy, Paw-Paw Charles, Grandpa Sam, Brother Darius and every uncle around your tiny fingers. Your aunties adored you, Grandma Christine gushed over you and your late Granny Ruby was ecstatic to see her face mirrored in your own. With every milestone and change in life, including the arrival more cousins and your own baby sister Layla, you adapted with flair and exude that unique Jackson-esque “Black Girl Magic” each day as a student, a friend and citizen of the world.

Every generation faces its own set of challenges Nia, and as your mother, I can only guide and anticipate so much. In just another few years, you’ll be right where your brother is: planning for proms, senior dances, filling out college applications and ready to walk across the stage as a high school graduate. In many ways, you’re more poised than some of the women I know and brimming with infinite potential, but if you could walk forward with the following lessons, every year should become bigger and brighter than the last…..

1) Love and honor yourself: Follow your ‘first mind’ and don’t let what others say dictate your life. Just because it’s trendy or popular doesn’t mean it’s the right move, be your own (young) woman.

2) All skinfolk ain’t kinfolk: No one is owed your love, your loyalty or your respect, including relatives. If someone is mistreating you, speak up, demand better and if they won’t improve, love them from a distance.

3) Books before boys: Michael Jackson, El DeBarge and other teen idols loomed large back in the day, as well as a few cute classmates. Liking boys is fine, but obsessing over them all day every day is a bit much, especially at the expense of friends and your schoolwork.

4) Have a friend, be a friend: I know that Mean Girls is one of your favorite flicks, but in this case, life shouldn’t imitate art. Discourage gossip, be sincere, keep your promises and to paraphrase one of my favorite memes, “Do no harm….but take no mess.”

5) Blackness matters: Unfortunately, we haven’t yet reached the point in society where diversity is totally embraced, but that truth won’t become a burden unless you let it. Be proud of your ancestors and aware of the obstacles, but still take pride in your thick coils, your cafe au lait skin tone and all the other features that make you the beautiful young black woman you are. Variety is the spice of life, so own it and work it!

6) Karma is real: What you give is what you receive, so try your best to treat others the way you’d like to be treated (yes, this also counts big Bro and Lil’ Sis). Otherwise, when time comes for payback, the price may be higher than you could ever imagine.

7) Hard heads, soft butts: Your father and I don’t know everything, but between the two of us, there are decades of wisdom and experience that you would do well to remember and pay attention to. Technology make make the world faster and your moves slicker, but trust and believe that we’ll catch on and….well, just refer back to rule number six.

It’s been a maddening, magical ten years of nurturing you, raising you and watching you blossom as a daughter, sister, student and future Diva. No matter what the future holds, always know that we love you today, tomorrow and forever….and that your Granny Ruby is surely proud.