Earlier last week, when the majority of us were focused on sports, elections and stormy weather, rapper, actor and reality star Clifford “T.I.” Harris became a one-man viral news sensation. Not because of his rhymes, this time, but his reasoning—-or lack thereof—-when it comes to sexual autonomy and parenting daughters versus his sons.
The cringe-inducing exchange happened during a chat with Nazanin and Nadia Moham during the hosts’ “Ladies Like Us” podcast, where the 39-year-old father of six dubiously bragged about his 15-year-old son’s sexual experience, yet proudly declared that he accompanies his now-18-year-old daughter Deyjah to her annual gynecology exam and insists that the doctor “Check her hymen is still intact.”
Oh yes: you read that right. Apparently, T.I. thinks this is a reasonable request, since he and the doctor had Deyjah “sign this [form] so we can share information. I’m like….is there anything you would not want me to know? See, Doc? Ain’t no problem.” Despite knowing that hymens can be ruptured with unrelated strenuous activities, such as bike-riding and other strenuous activities, T.I. stressed that, ‘I say, ‘Look, Doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports……I will say, as of her 18th birthday, her hymen is still intact.”
What utter hypocrisy, considering that he also expressed in a summer episode of his VH1 reality show, The Family Hustle, that he ‘feels different” about his sons sexual relationships rather than his daughters’: “I don’t want any of my children to have sex before it’s time for them, but who’s to say when it’s time?”
As one can imagine, T.I. was the immediate target of viral internet-driven outrage: “Poor baby,” wrote one commenter on the controversy, “Girls should feel like their fathers can protect them. Instead her father’s form of protection was humiliating her….T.I. is a chauvinistic trash [expletive] pig.” Another online commenter said this: “T.I. went too far putting a teen’s [private matters] in public like that. Not to mention he sounds like an idiot…..Deyjah appears to be a smart respectable young lady. Now all he did is damage their communication. She’s not gonna tell him [expletive] about her love life.” It now also appears that Deyjah agrees with his critics: as of this writing, the college freshman continues to ‘like’ all comments decrying her father’s actions on social media and and has now ‘unfollowed’ T.I., her stepmother Tameka “Tiny” Harris and her stepsister Zonnie Pullins on Instagram.
As a mother, I know that puberty is a part of life, a process that can be confusing and tenuous without loving and respectful guidance throughout. We want our children to be aware of the changes in themselves and use the utmost care in their present and future relationships. Yes, outdated ideals still exist about dating practices for our sons vs. daughters….what’s really gained by perpetuating them?
How can a man who’s had alleged multiple affairs outside of marriage (a whole other column in itself, but I digress) be so quick to demand purity from his adult daughter? Why is her mother allowing him to violate Deyjah’s privacy, while her brothers can so freely to debauch other men’s daughters? Did T.I. honestly think that such invasive demands to his minor and financially-dependent offspring, especially with a male doctor present, wouldn’t be obeyed? Take it from a lifelong, card-carrying member of the ‘Daddy’s Girl’ club: fathers can show concern about their daughter’s well-being without resorting to archaic and unethical “virginity resting.” Mine did. Any father claiming ‘ownership’ of his wife’s private parts is ghastly enough, but endeavoring to publicly expose his child’s personal information and imply control over her body and choices as well is just going a bridge too far.
Adult actions have adult consequences, for sons and daughters both. It’s a positive that T.I. is now realizing this truth: too bad that it’s happening in real time at his Deyjah’s expense.
