It never fails. We women are accomplished, intelligent people. We have our own homes, manage our careers and nurture friends and family while stretching budgets like fresh bubble gum when necessary. And as competent modern women, we are usually quick to drop folks who disrespect our abilities, our time and our resources.

Except when it comes to men.

No matter the age, educational level or background, we all know women who see that trifling, child-deserting, allergic-to-employment jack ass coming from miles away, but they still tell themselves that he is THE ONE. Be honest: how often has this happened to you?

Your cell phone rings one night and it’s “Roxanne.” Swooning, she tells you (for the umpteenth time) that she’s crazy in love: this new man is as fine as chilled wine in the summertime, a chiseled, charismatic specimen whose sweet nothings have swept her off her feet and exploded her into orbit. As she gushes on and on, it’s beginning to sound just like another upbeat remix to the same tired song, so you don’t get your hopes up. This Mr. Right, just like the others, sounds too good to be true.

Sure enough, when Roxanne calls back a few weeks later, her update is a dreary one. The nights out on the town are a distant memory because he just got fired (because his baby momma kept calling the job), but she’s trying to hang in there to help with his gang of kids while he gets back on his feet. Calling it “standing by her man,” Roxanne soon lets him move in, giving him a portion of her hard-earned paycheck every other week for gas money and adds him to her cell phone plan. Weeks turn into months, and now this ‘transition’ seems permanent. Roxanne grudgingly confesses that even the sex is no longer good enough to camouflage his lack of ambition and ability to disappear each and every payday. Also, having to endure the parade of baby mommas blowing up the cell phone that she’s paying for is getting old. You suggest a heart-to-heart with Mr. Right and for once, she takes your advice.

And how does Mr. Right respond? Her verbatim account of his response makes you want to throw hot grits: “You want too damn much—why can’t you just be patient?  Do you think I’m gonna hang around and take this $#!*? There are plenty of other women out there, and to be honest, you ain’t alla that  anyway.”

Finally, she’s seen the light: you congratulate Roxanne for putting his ass out and changing the locks, and you both have a Girls Night Out to celebrate.

So  why does she look like everything is all good in the ‘hood when you roll through that weekend and that same Mr. Can’t Get Right is back on her couch? “He said he was sorry,” she mumbles. “He was upset that Baby Momma Number Two threatened him with child support and his boss was trippin’ about the dent in the truck. We love each other, so I just wanted to give him another chance….”

You just let it go. By the time Roxanne’s wised up, they have two kids together and her life resembles a “Maury Povich Show” episode. Mr. Can’t Get Right is now out running game on the next female, while your girl calls every other week to complain that “all men are DOGS!”

Sound familiar? It should, because some of us have brainwashed ourselves to believe that there are no good men left, so we settle for boys. Think about it. Do you convince yourself to munch on Mrs. Paul’s fish sticks when you really want Poppadeaux? NO!!! You make the reservation, head out there and order the blackened catfish. You’ve made the choice to get what you want and act on it.

LADIES, IT’S THE SAME WAY WITH MEN!!! It’s up to you to carry yourself like the diva that you are and not suffer fools unworthy of your time, space and affections. If you can’t stand smokers, and that Terrence Howard look-alike has a cigar in his mouth, keep moving. If you want a man who loves children and he rolls his eyes when you mention your daughter, leave him alone. If you’re at church every Sunday, but he believe that all ministers are gold-diggers, RUN!

Most men can get whatever they want today with a minimum personal investment—moving in, taking money, even having kids with women they have no intentions of marrying–ALL BECAUSE THEY’RE ALLOWED TO DO IT. If you have to be alone until someone worthy comes along, that’s fine. What isn’t fine is lowering your standards and wanting others to rescue you from the mess you created. If there is a pattern, ask yourself; are you a victim in this scenario, or are you a volunteer? Is this the type of relationship you’d want for your sister, your daughter or your best friend?

If the answer’s no, let it go. Don’t force a square peg into a round hole. But if you do, please don’t waste our time with your self-inflicted drama.