Depending on how you were raised or the generational set you’re claiming, fathers have specific roles in the lives of their children: Provider, Disciplinarian, Mediator, Mr. Fix-It, and even Monster-Destroyer. But the main benefit of having a full-fledged father is, well, confidence.
Not that we mothers don’t nurture, encourage and make our kids feel capable—we do. But having a man watch you grow into your greatness and encourage you along the way—with that unique mixture of well-placed praise and tough love—can mean the difference between hanging back or summoning the inner resilience to struggle, regroup and try, try, try again.
This truth was evident last week during a televised NBC Today interview between chief education correspondent, Rehema Ellis, and Rasan Portlock and Ryheim Tucker, a father and son who were discussing the positive changes at Ryheim’s N.C. school, Devonshire Elementary. With awe in his voice, Portlock told Ellis that he’s seen a complete turnaround in his son’s attitude toward learning and career goals. The ten-year-old’s lofty goal of becoming a doctor or genetic engineer was new to the family, but his father unequivically supports Tucker. “He’s always had big dreams, he always wanted to be something. That’s what he started doing, reading those books, studying….I was just proud of him.”
It’s a heartwarming moment, but what really drives home the impact of the father’s words is Tucker lowering his head, raising it to answer a question and seeing tears course silently down his cheeks. “What you thinking about?” Portlock asks.
Wiping his face, Tucker can barely speak. “That you look forward to me growing up and becoming….”
More tears.
“….Whatever you want to be,” Dad finishes for him.
What a moving and magnificent testimony about the impact of what fathers mean: On a national platform, a father bragged on his son’s present progress and expressed faith in what the future held, validating him on multiple levels and setting a foundation of inner strength and self-assuredness that will sustain that child for years to come.
It’s been years since I’ve been an elementary student, but one of the times my father, Sam, expressed pride in my professional achievements was when I started writing regularly for the Dallas Morning News. In his words, “That was when I felt that you had started hitting ‘the big time.'” Another moment that left him in awe was when the lead singer of my favorite band, the MN-based quartet Mint Condition, personally called me to ask that I pen their biography for an upcoming CD. “I knew then that your writing was becoming national—so that, to me, was really big.”
Balancing healthy skepticism and belief in our skills is one of the main superpowers that Dads can bring to the table, no matter how old we are or how independent we’ve become. Equally essential to our development, mothers give us the sustenance from which to grow (roots) while fathers push us to our limits and from there, can help us to soar above and beyond (wings).
On Father’s Day, maybe instead of buying Dad yet another necktie, gold club or a new set of replacement cufflinks, those who haven’t done it yet can pour a cup of whatever, link eyes and hands and tell the man who helped to shape their lives that his words made the difference. The moment will bring instant smiles, revive precious memories. Best of all, is always a perfect fit.
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